Wednesday 31 October 2018

Day 40

Hey!!

Tired!! Had a long day. I have to get up really early tomorrow, so probably i would just go to sleep now. I had thought about writing whether i believe in god or not? I guess i will write about it tomorrow now.

So, bye!!!

Tuesday 30 October 2018

Day 39 - agression

Hey!!
Sometimes i think that this blog should be not about agression at all but then there are times when i feel so frustrated that all i wish to do is to shout out loud and tell that person to just fuck off.

There is this person i hate so much these days, though i never had good feelings about that person but earlier i was neutral. Now i have deep anguish. What did that person do? The answer is not simple, it never hurted me personally but even the normal acts of that person irritated me so much that all  i always wanted to do was to slap that person. I can never be on good terms with people who try to dictate my life or would want me to do things according to them. Their constant criticism about me which is not upfront but indirect and subtle, the way they try to project me as someone not so appropriate irritates me. Such people would praise you and talk behind your back. I hate such people who think they are just perfect and rest everyone is a chutiya.

My only question to them is 'if you are so perfect why do you have to advertise it so often?' Why do you have to prove it to people? And, the answer is because you are not so perfect and your insecurities about being considered less then perfect by others, make you do all that. It is the imperfection in you which makes you talk about others behind their back. And that is the reason i do not have to give justifications to people but you have to because you are so wrong and you know it.

Bye.

Monday 29 October 2018

Day 38- Movie night

Hey!!

So i have been away for a long long time, was caught up in too many things. I hava a lot to tell. Anyways, today was not exactlt a movie night, i had to do two movie reviews for my class assignment. I haven't written those yet because they have to be six pages long each but i did watch both the movies today.

Trust me, they were no delight in the start. I got this assignment months back but i did not have the courage to pick up them till now. One was this 1954, american movie called 'Salt of the earth' and the other was 1991 movie 'Straight out of brooklyn'.
I was not excited about any of them because of the imdb rating of the later one, it was around 5.1 out of 10 and the first one because it was a black and white movie.

I am not averse to black and movies but then who would want to watch a movie on mill workers in black and white. If it would have been something like devdas, i would have given it a thought. But i was wrong, 'never judge a book by its cover.' Both the movies were strong and left some dilemmmas in  mind.

Straight out of brooklyn was about a boy named Dennis and his family, they are blacks living in still a segregated society. While for millions of americans, american dream is all about success, for people like dennis, who are black and also come from poverty, know of only one way to achieve the AMERICAN DREAM i.e. through joining the streets and illegals. That is what dennise sets out for  but returns back empty handed. It was a comment on the american society or the government or the segreagation as such, i really cannot say but it did make a social point. The movie touched me when Dennis' father says, white men have eaten my life just like my father's and grandfather's life and now it is going to eat my son's life too. And it did happen as he feared.

The second movie, salt of the earth, i could relate to it more. It addressed two things - women's right within the bigger milieu of men's rights and also the exploitation felt at the hands of big miners and capitalists. It was banned in america as it is a huge blemish on American capitalism. Set in new mexico, a mining company hires both Mexican and Anglo miners but differentiates between the two. ANGLOS have better housing, sanitation, benefits, salaries and work conditions. So the mexican workers one day go on a strike but they never include womens demands in their agenda. Strike goes on for months and then comes the court order that miners cannot strike in front of the mine. So, women come up with an idea that they will stand in front of mine instead of men as they are not mine workers. In this context, the questions of women subjugation and need for their rights crops up in every sphere. Women vote for the first time at trade union meeting, people from across support this effort and it goes on for a time. Women capture the movemnet and men do not like it but they realize in the end that together only they can ward off all the evils. Strike is won. It was an epic and i liked this one a lot. Though the heavy mexican accent was difficult to understand at times.

It was a night well spent and i wrote a lot, and i enjoyed watching these movies alone. Now i got to go sleep  it is 6 in the morning and i am very sleepy. I have to get up early tomorrow. Big things coming up.

Bye!!

Wednesday 24 October 2018

Day 37 - old romantic songs

Hey!

Old songs in the background,  a cup of coffee and writing your diary at 3 in the morning, ideal life. Sometimes little things in life give you peace. I am not a fan of music, but at times they are beyond serenity. Thougn i  do not know what actually serenity is, it is a feeling, i guess. Nothing can match it.
I love this song by Leonard cohen, 'suzanne', it has been my favorite for a while now. Usually, i only play this song. Today is different, it is like i just found my love for music. Other than this life has come to a pause, not much is happening.
Same old people and same old life. I went to 'india coffee house' today, it is one of my favorite places in jnu. I can sit there alone for hours with a cup of coffee and a book. What i read there does not matter, even a newspaper would do. Even the hustle-bustle of people coming and going, sound of person washing the cups or the loud noise of exhaust fan becomes a part of the silence and peace that surrounds me there. There is never a rush to leave that place, never!! I feel the completeness of life sitting there in front of greenry and peacocks which show up one after one other in moments of silence.
There are some places in life which always give you that kind of love and serenity. I found mine here.

Tuesday 23 October 2018

Day 36

Like most days it was uneventful. I spent most of the day in my room, so not much to talk about. I cannot even thinkmof anything right now. So, i guess i will just say goodbye. !!

Monday 22 October 2018

Day 35 - do you think only organised life is good life?

Hey!!
Do you think discipline is must? Of course, any army person would say yes without any hesitation. But what about us ? Do you agree that a fixed routine, getting up at same time, eating same food, same activities  tend to get boring after a while.

I read ' vernoica decides to die' in my 12th standard. It had a small story about a housewife, who went into depression because she could not just cope with the regularity of her life. She had a good life, a rich husband, loving also, two perfect kids, a perfect house, no health issues but she went into depression because she did not know what to do with this everday perfect life. The book was full of small stories with mental patients suffering from some issues which majorly revolved around losing the will to live because they could not cope up with the 'normal' life, which we work for normally. What was wrong with these people? I still do not get it.

This book left a deep depression on me and post that I stopped reading any of Paulo Coelho's books. Since forever now i fear routines, i hate settled life, i just feel i am going to end up like one of his characters if i will get settled in a particular way. I do not know whether i will get out pf it or not but i know i want peace now, an ending. But then i fear, that  perfect ending would just be the end of everything for  me. Big dilemma!!

Bye!

Sunday 21 October 2018

Day 34- not much to say

Hey!

For the past two days, wifi has not been working properly so i was not able to post anything. Also, i did not have much to tell.
I had a very lazy day today but yesterday was interesting. I met three of old friends yesterday after a long time. It was fun. We went to PSR (this is a place in JNU, i really enjoy spending quality time there) and sat for like 3 hours and talked and talked. PSR is like a hilltop, which you get in the middle of a city like delhi. You can sit over large rocks and the fresh breeeze continues to flow through your hair, it is very serene. You can just sit there for hours and look at how small the world is.

It gives you a perspective to think about things when you look at them with open eyes and mind. One big problem with my generation and the ones next in line to me is that we are not very insightful. We look at things partially, accept them and then continue to believe them. We never bother looking at the other side. We are in such a hurry to get past the things that we fail to access and reflect upon our own decisions, judgements and situations. We pretend to be cool, not so judgemental like our parents or grandparents. We believe we know everything because we are modern but we fail to see that we do not know how to look at the whole picture. We live in the age of internet and social media, we have lost the power to question. We do not question, we just think we do. We raise issues for the sake of raising them up. Few days ago i saw people updating posts like 'we will miss you @deepak mishra' (former CJI) and there were n number of updates like that. But i am not sure if all of them know what he has added to your lives, which will make you miss him so much. This was the same chief judge you were criticising few days back when the issue of Master of Roster came out. We live in a blindfolded world, where when it is taken out, we see certain things, we accept them and then we are blindfolded again and the story goes on. We never get the whole story and we never bother to go after it. We are just okay with the peeks we get.
This is the reason, we so readily chose to ignore Indu Malhotra's verdict in the Sabarimala case because it was not a popular opinion . We might even chose to call her anti feminism, or use other words like that because she gave an unconventional view which was not popular, not revolutionary and not expected out of a woman. What we fail to see is the depth of her argument?
And this is because we have become habitual to half truths and baised perceptives.

Bye!!

Thursday 18 October 2018

Day 33- jealousy

Hey!!

'And what can i tell you? My brother, my killer!!
I can only say i miss you, i love you.' - while listening to this song, all i have been thinking about is the past, i miss now. There are some animosities, jealousies, angst against some one, whose name i do not even want to take. Not a lover, not a friend, not a he, not a she, it was some one more of a companion and less of a partner.

I wish i could talk more about it but those feelings can not find the right expression, not now, perhaps never in life. Some things cannot be understood, not in words atleast. Those days are cherished, remembered and wondered over day and night. The talks are revisited again and again. The reasons are debated and cross questioned. But It never comes to an end. The closure is near , we will meet someday somewhere, the air of silence will blow for a while and then it would just rain down in tears of joy, remorse and love. Everything would just settle down then.

Bye !

Wednesday 17 October 2018

Day 32 - wishful

Hey!!
It would not be wrong to call this day wishful. I have wished for many things today, i don,'t want all of them to get fullfilled as some are really brutal (not for me, for others).
Temper is a bad omen. I always fear my temper, i know when it will raise its' head, i will not spare anyone. I will not care for anyone and anything at that point of time. I have worked a lot on it over the years. It was really bad in the start, i still remember my childhood, if under any condition i got angry, i would just quit eating, not even if mumma cried in front of me. Nobody could calm me down then.

But now things have changed i have learned to calm down myself. Though some times it is not easy but still I am way better now. Now i just go quiet and i avoid talking till the time i feel composed. One of my friends hurt himself really bad due to this issue. He got angry, one of these days and it was severe. He lost it so bad that he was in ICU for two days because of the stress, his heart beat slowed down so much that his heart could not pump blood properly. It was only agression which pushed him into this. If not treated on time, he would have either gone into coma or suffered some kind of paralysis. Thank God, he is fine but the enemy which needs to be treated is this anger and agression, which could have costed him his happiness for life.

I too need to tackle my anger because i do not have a very strong heart and it cannot take this much stress. So just avoid conflicts and agrression. It is easier to have straight forward confrontations. Happy festival season.

Tuesday 16 October 2018

Day 31- Feeling sick

Hey!!
I almost slept through out the day. It was a lazy day, may be because of the periods. Two-three days back, some of my friends were sitting around and we were talking about something called 'Penis envy'. This term was part of Sigmund Freud's pscyhoanalysis (might be factually wrong). According to Freud, women suffer from 'penis envy'. I do not know exactly what he meant by that but something like women feel less compared to men because of not having a penis.
Also he mentioned something like women generally strive for men's attention and that is the reason they pay excessive attention on their looks, dress and makeup while going out.
He is correct but this is not only true for women, we can generalize it for both the sexes. Anyways, so one of my friends asked this question, do you actually envy it? And this is the reason I am writing this post, because i really don't know. Also the problem is why this question is only about men and women, there are other genders as well. Not every gender feels inferior to men. So this generalisation of Freud is completely wrong and biased, set in patriarchal mindset of his days.

There have been times when i have felt the need to be more like men because they enjoy this hegemonic position, which we are bound to envy. There have been occassions when I have questioned why girls have to go through this monthly ordeal of periods where as boys have no worries like that. Also there have been times, when i have just wanted my breast to just disappear because of the way men look at them and i still want that.
But i have never envied their masculinity, it is helplessness of my own feminity in such situatons which i have questioned. Everything has been unfair from the start, my brother getting more freedom, the physical pains associated with being a women, the fear felt due to the constant attacks of men sneering at you.
And this brings me to Freud, how could he analyze what women felt without ever going through it. I think only a women could have expressed these inequalities in a better way and not in the male terms like he did. Rather then 'penis envy', it should have been something like ' more gender neutral if a women or some one who went through it actually would have described it. But then world has always been unfair to some, those who really need to speak, never get the chance.
Bye!

Monday 15 October 2018

Day 30- A month ago

Hey!
It is the 30th day. I did this for the whole month, a good start!! 
It was an enlightening day, got to know a side of myself I had never seen before. You always know new things about yourself with every passing day. Journey is not only about exploring life and others but also about finding yourself. I feel I am on track. Touchwood!!
It is 15th today, no 16th, I did not notice it is already past 12. Tomorrow is mummy's birthday. I have never been much of a gift giving person, only to very close ones. But this year I gifted things to many people I would have never bothered otherwise and also took gifts from some I did not want to. This is the reason I hate taking and giving gifts. It becomes an obligation after a time and I hate it.
Most of the people close to me, their birthdays fall in these months, so these days are little special for me. I have been thinking of writing a letter to Akshay for a long time. Only thing i fear is that he will probably not reply and that will break my heart. I have always wanted to write letters to someone, who would reciprocate in the same way. But never found anyone. There is an old time charm about letters.
I watched this serial once, 'Durr-e-Shehwar', it had a sequence of letter exchange between a father and a daughter. I just loved the way they exchanged their in depth feelings and love through letters. I was in the awe of it for a long time, and I still am.
I started hating letters when I had to write letters to my  chacha and chachi forcibly. I always wanted to write to someone i could relate to and writing to them was a big burden. I was quite young back then, perhaps im 5th or 6th standard and i was asked to write letters to them, telling them how I missed them and blah blah. Some day i will tell you the story, why i was made to write those letters. But this didnot mean i hated letter writing, i loved it but never got a chance to write them to right kind of people.
I also loved this movie I watched once, the name I cannot recall right now, in it two strangers start to exchange letters through pobox and become pen pals for life. I haven't found my pen pal yet but the hunt is on.
Bye!!

Sunday 14 October 2018

Day 29- Everything has a start

Hey!!
Mummy sent me a picture today, which had a picture of many vessels lying together and all of them were upside down. In the caption, it was written you will find every vessel upside down but you have to look for one amongst them which is not upside down. I looked for it and found one. Then I read the caption further and it said now when you will look at the other vessels you will find them all lying in normal position. I looked at the picture again and even if I tried hard to see them again as upside down, I just could not.
This is how life is, at times you find everything is imperfect and against you. Then one day a door opens, or an opportunity arrives and your life starts to looks beautiful again, your positivity returns. The same way round are your relationships in life. You like someone and you like everything about them. Later, when you see one fault in them, everything about them starts to appear negative.
It is all about perceptions. If you look positively, you find it and if you do not then everything turns negative. Today I might be looking at things negatively but tomorrow I might not. The idea is to develop the art to look at things in a good sense and then the zestness  of life will always surround you.
Happy thoughts!!
Bye.

Saturday 13 October 2018

Day 28

Hey!
Time does not wait for anyone!! I have realized that but not accepted it. Somebody said to me once, perhaps he was quoting somebody else, it was something like, ‘if you are finding perfection in every thing, or any profession, you are bound to fail.’ 
I am struggling with that very thing. So far all I have been doing is seraching for that perfection. But I am failing miserably. There is no thing as perfection. No claims of Plato or any of the thinkers to find perfection or perfect knowledge is complete and devoid of any reality. 
This takes a lot of time to understand but it is not hard. 
But i feel it is impossible to give up on this. This one thing, I have craved for all my life so far, to find that perfection, joy and peace. I don’t know whether I will ever succeed or not. But i do not and won’t give up on it, no matter how much people continue to discourage me. 

Friday 12 October 2018

Day 27

Too tiring!! I have been up for too long and I was not expecting to give in this much of effort to this project. But I had to, no other option. I said yesterday I have some things to say.
One of my good friends, texted me asking how I was?? I met him through facebook only and we have met twice or thrice. And since then we have been good friends. I tell him things quite openly. Generally, i do not hide my feelings or opinions from anyone. So i never had a problem telling him anything. He knows I loose interest in things easily or you could say I have not found my true passion for anything. I have been switching from this course to another and professions also for years now. 
People here do not accept that easily. It might have been more acceptable somewhere else. So he asked me about my plans on marriage. I said I do not know yet. He said I fear that you will not stick to him (my boyfriend). I asked him why do you think so?? I wanted to know why anybody would think like that about me even after knowing me so well?? He said because you give up on everything. 

I know I do that but I was astounded and sad with that reply. I do not know whether it is a problem, something normal or abnormal? I once watched this video, Ted talks video which was forwarded by a friend. It talked about multitalented people. 
It talked about how I was not abnormal but multitalented, which was something normal for people like me. Though, I try hard to believe hard in this but there are so few people to support it that i am not confident about it anymore. And, when questions and expressions like this come my way from friends, i again turn melancholic. I am back from where i started, still trying to understand what really life means to me and how I would want to live it and spend it. 

Thursday 11 October 2018

Day 26

Hey!!
How do I start today? Inhave two- three thoughts going on in my mind for the past few days and I am thinking about talking it all. Not everything in this post, but in the days to come as well.
So, it all happened when I was working with ABP news channel. I was assigned reporting. I use to go everyday along with one cameraman, driver and camera equipment, to the field. This one day I was assigned with some story but I had to go with another cameraman, not the one I had come with to the field that day. Some mis-communication happened and this new cameraman did not bother informing me about his where abouts and about his assignment with me. When I got to know, i informed my senior that so and so happened. So, this cameraman got angry and when he met me in the evening few days later, he threatened me indirectly. He said soemthing like I carry a gun and can use it anytime I want and some other shit stuff. 
I did not know what to do about it. I informed my reporting head and she called him up and gave him a good shouting, he never dared to talk to me again. 

But the point which I want to make is I was working there for the  past 4 months and I was not aware of my rights as an employee. Luckily my boss was a lady and she made it a point that the particular cameraman never misbehaves again. I was never assigned with that cameraman again. Yesterday I was reading about the origin of ‘Me too’ campaign and the ongoing seige in bollywood. Plus an article was there on Sexual harrasment at workplace act. All I know is while I was on job, I was not aware of this act or how and when I could use it. What are the situations when I am expected to complaint so that unusual behavior liket this happens. And, what according to them is the defintion of sexual harrasment? Being a journalist, I was not aware of anything, and I expect there would be millions, who do not know iota about this act? Then what is the point of enacting such lawss when people are not aware about it or would never know how to use them. My office gave me and internahip every work detail and every department but they did not have any orientation class or anything even near to that on my rights as a employee, on this act or anything which would make me feel secure on a workplace. 
There is a huge need of not just talk but about awareness as well. 
Bye!! 

Monday 8 October 2018

Day 25

Good morning!! 
So i have moved onto mornings for writing these days. It is good morning. Though I am having a slight difficulty in answering some weird questions but then I will have to atleast for some days. 
The mood is great, still i would want to write about some hypocrites. There were certain people in my life who were too sweet to me to handle and then turned venomously ugly. The problem is confrontation is over but still that one pretends to be sweet at times and bitchy at others. 
I really do not understand such people. Do they do this for good impressions or what? I don’t know. I mean you always either hate a person or like a person, ye in between wala, I do not get. Anyways my advice would be itna pretend kroge toh kaam nhi chalega. But the irony is ‘kaam chalta bhi aise logo ka hi hai.’ 
Anyways I am going, Bye. I am having some issues with wifi. So i don’t know when I will be able to post this. 

Sunday 7 October 2018

Day 24

Shit!! I don’t know when i fell asleep last night. I forgot to update, I don’t want to fail in the challenge so I am posting this one up, really early. So what should i tell?? As I am up early and i can see the morning sun, i feel very lively. It is little cold I am still on my blanket but the door to the balcony is open so cool breeze is coming in and I can see how green everything looks in the morning.

I am not much of a morning person. I have always liked to sleep in the morning and let it pass till it becomes the afternoon. But there have been days when i have been awake all night just to see the morning sun rise. This one time in chandigarh i was up all night and then around 4.30 i was about to sleep. I went out to fetch something and i saw the little shimmery orangish light slowly going up from in the mountains. I could see mountains from the place i was staying in then. I saw that beach scene and i just could not go back to sleep again for two hours. I just sat there and kept lookinh at it. I am not a morning person but i do love mornings. Every now and then i need to see one, to realizehow beautiful this life can be. 
Bye !! 

Saturday 6 October 2018

Day 23

 Another day, another test!!
Today everything was calm after all. I went to Saket mall today and this movie was being played in the, so i stopped to watch the movie. It was E.T.- The Extra Terrestrial by Steven Spielberg. It is a kids movie but i enjoyed watching it. It was way too emotional. An alien is left in on earth and he meets this cute little boy who tries to hide him and protect him. It reminded me of Hritik Roshan’s ‘Koi Mil gya.’ 
I am just furious with Bollywood’s commercial non-creativity, which only revolves around money. The connect i could make with that child in the movie, i could never do it with Hritik Roshan’s character. They should have stuck to the original if they were copying. I means kids would have enjoyed much more if a small child had played that role. But no! In bollywood it is all about casting the famous stars, no matter how unfit they are for the role.
That was it about the movie. Yeah one suggestion i would give everyone is to please watch Spielberg’s ‘Schindler’s List.’ It is one of the most creative, well directed and great movies, I have watched till date. 

Bye

Friday 5 October 2018

Day 22

Hey!
Long day and very eventful or rather a better expression would be tragedy laden. I shouted at some of my classmates for something which I don’t know was whether right or wrong?? But I have a feeling that if I would not have done that, i would have continued feeling weak. May be the overall behaviour was wrong!! But not what I said? 

I just did not want to get into a fight but at the end of the day, my temper follows me where ever i go and eventually it happens. I have this problem i cannot keep my feelings hidden for long. If I do not believe in something, or someone, i can not hide it for long. I will express it through my behavior or with outbursts like these. I think that is how things work with me. Whether one likes it or not, that is not my problem. After all I am not here to pacify everyones demands out of me. I am here for  myself and that is how I go? 

This same thing happened with me, when i was taking coaching. I had this really bad teacher, who had just started teaching. The teacher I had joined for stopped teaching altogether and had put this new one in his place. I saw this new teacher teach for one day, 2nd, 3 rd and 4th day. Then i avoided class when he was taking. Many students found him faulty and attendence for this teacher declined. In two or three days the old teacher came to the class and asked what problem do we have from the new teacher.? I got up and just said that the new teacher is not efficient, he has not yet learned to teach (if it is a skill). Plus he does not have any coherent lecture structure and he skims through notes before dictating a line. Overall he rabbled and i had not paid my fees to help learn somebody to teach especially and be an experiment for him. I don’t know what he thought about me. But i am just happy, i said what I wanted to.

Thursday 4 October 2018

Day 21

It was the worst day ever, nothing can be worse than this. I want to let all go. But then anger will just continue to pent up. I hate this teacher of mine. I think he is the worst worst teacher ever. Stupid, idiot, jerk, filthy, leering man, who talks nicely only to girls. I am not saying all this because he said anything to me but he behaved rough with a friend for all the wrong reasons.
I want to say so many things to him. I want to call him all the names in this world I can, Bastard, asshole, fucker, etc. etc. I don’t wish to see his face in my life but I have no option. Wish! God would grant me just one wish and I will just wish for him to disappear in hell. He is much more dirty than a dirty rag. I can only think of abuses for him right bow and nothing else. So, I will just stop here and continue tomorrow. Bye!! 
L

Wednesday 3 October 2018

Day 20

Hey!
Usually, I am sleepy around this time but today I cannot even think of anything other than good sleep. Unfortunately i cannot, i have to help with the compilation of my group research project. 
It is always difficult to work in groups. There are around 8 people in my group and almost everyone is not willing to take the intiative to take this project in the right direction. One person did but he was cornered down by some when  criticism came their way. I wish it was an individual thing or less number of people were involved. It would have been way better. 

And this brings me down to the conclusion why Marx’s communism is such a failure because something held in common would always suffer. If it would have been an individual thing, people would have made much more effort. All the groups in my class are having similar issues of non-participation. Irony is some of the member are self declared ‘leftists’, which pokes me to ask them do you even believe communism can work successfully when it failed to work in a group of 8 peole. I just wonder! 

M

Tuesday 2 October 2018

Day 19

Great day with great food. I went out for dinner today. Though nearby only but this place is very cosy and food is too tasty. Once in a while, i like to go out of campus. Other than that, met many friends today, usually i meet one or two persons (same ones) everyday. Nice change!

Anyways, going ahead, i donot have much to add on. I did watch ‘Manikarnika’s’ trailer today, not very happy with it. There is too much of Kangana Ranaut on one screen. I do not get it, whenever people make biopics, directors tend to forget people that will get bored with the same person’s face coming up every other second. They fail to comprehend this thing and do this repeatedly. This is the reason, i hated ‘Sanju’ ( for that there are a number of other reasons as well)  so much. 
I am also not a big fan of biopics usually. They tend to tell the whole story from one person’s face while there are others as well who contribute to it and make it a wholesome life. Usually it is the role that person plays in society which sums up his life. The individual alone will not generate interest in everything. 
Any great king could not have great by his own virtues only, behind him stand his employees, his family, his teacher and many others, who play a role in his becoming, what is aspired for? 
Directors today forget that. I like stories which are more in documentary form, which tells you a story through others and leaves you with a thirst to know more. Films unlike documentaries, try to fill you up with everything and you do not feel the urge to know more about it. Anyways if I would have been a moviemaker, I would have followed the later trend. Bye!! 

Monday 1 October 2018

Day 18

I have crossed more than 15 days and i am looking forward to completing this challenge, full 365 days. I got up really late today, around 1 in the afternoon. Since I have come to JNU, i have seen many people who criticise me for  waking up late as if I am wasting my whole day.
I don’t get it, if i slept around 7 in the morning, how can one wake up at 9 in the morning or whatever is their standard of getting up on time!! I was having a conversation about this with a  friend recently and he said people judge you by your routines. How can one tag a person as less ambitious or lazy or insincere (i am using these words because they have been used for me, indirectly), just because the other person is little unorganised, irregular or not a morning person? I have always seen people who get up early criticising others for not being early birds? 
I don’t get it, just like your gender does not define your strength or weakness, in the same way your unorganised life should not bother anyone. I hate such judgementalists. I have only one thing to say to them, you only need a reason to look down upon others. 
I have seen most creative people in this world with the most unorganised sleep patterns and lives but still the excel. I am not trying to make a generalisation here that the regular ones do not make it to the top. Then why do they have to? I just don’t get this hypocrisy. 
Also, i have been told many times that I am boring or not so full of life because I don’t go out much. I don’t get it. I don’t like going out much. I need a place to converse with people I like, for that I don’t have to necessarily go to fancy places and eat. I can have the same conversation over a cup of tea (at a dhaba) then over a 300 rupees coffee. I don’t like fancy places, more importantly i don’t like the idea of travelling to far places. I donmt want to be criticised for my lifestyle. Please stop doing that. I go when i have to. I am just bursting with anger today, so I am stuck with this thing today. 
I am a person who likes mess, i like unorganised things, i like things when they are just lying around and not in their place. Order makes me feel chaotic and chaos in things makes me calm. How hard is it for people to understand? I just don’t get it. 

Forced to be free

Currently, going through Rousseau’s discourse on Political Economy, and his work called the Social Contract. He is confusing me a lot. ...