Hey!!
Tired!! Had a long day. I have to get up really early tomorrow, so probably i would just go to sleep now. I had thought about writing whether i believe in god or not? I guess i will write about it tomorrow now.
So, bye!!!
Hey!!
Tired!! Had a long day. I have to get up really early tomorrow, so probably i would just go to sleep now. I had thought about writing whether i believe in god or not? I guess i will write about it tomorrow now.
So, bye!!!
Hey!!
Sometimes i think that this blog should be not about agression at all but then there are times when i feel so frustrated that all i wish to do is to shout out loud and tell that person to just fuck off.
There is this person i hate so much these days, though i never had good feelings about that person but earlier i was neutral. Now i have deep anguish. What did that person do? The answer is not simple, it never hurted me personally but even the normal acts of that person irritated me so much that all i always wanted to do was to slap that person. I can never be on good terms with people who try to dictate my life or would want me to do things according to them. Their constant criticism about me which is not upfront but indirect and subtle, the way they try to project me as someone not so appropriate irritates me. Such people would praise you and talk behind your back. I hate such people who think they are just perfect and rest everyone is a chutiya.
My only question to them is 'if you are so perfect why do you have to advertise it so often?' Why do you have to prove it to people? And, the answer is because you are not so perfect and your insecurities about being considered less then perfect by others, make you do all that. It is the imperfection in you which makes you talk about others behind their back. And that is the reason i do not have to give justifications to people but you have to because you are so wrong and you know it.
Bye.
Hey!!
So i have been away for a long long time, was caught up in too many things. I hava a lot to tell. Anyways, today was not exactlt a movie night, i had to do two movie reviews for my class assignment. I haven't written those yet because they have to be six pages long each but i did watch both the movies today.
Trust me, they were no delight in the start. I got this assignment months back but i did not have the courage to pick up them till now. One was this 1954, american movie called 'Salt of the earth' and the other was 1991 movie 'Straight out of brooklyn'.
I was not excited about any of them because of the imdb rating of the later one, it was around 5.1 out of 10 and the first one because it was a black and white movie.
I am not averse to black and movies but then who would want to watch a movie on mill workers in black and white. If it would have been something like devdas, i would have given it a thought. But i was wrong, 'never judge a book by its cover.' Both the movies were strong and left some dilemmmas in mind.
Straight out of brooklyn was about a boy named Dennis and his family, they are blacks living in still a segregated society. While for millions of americans, american dream is all about success, for people like dennis, who are black and also come from poverty, know of only one way to achieve the AMERICAN DREAM i.e. through joining the streets and illegals. That is what dennise sets out for but returns back empty handed. It was a comment on the american society or the government or the segreagation as such, i really cannot say but it did make a social point. The movie touched me when Dennis' father says, white men have eaten my life just like my father's and grandfather's life and now it is going to eat my son's life too. And it did happen as he feared.
The second movie, salt of the earth, i could relate to it more. It addressed two things - women's right within the bigger milieu of men's rights and also the exploitation felt at the hands of big miners and capitalists. It was banned in america as it is a huge blemish on American capitalism. Set in new mexico, a mining company hires both Mexican and Anglo miners but differentiates between the two. ANGLOS have better housing, sanitation, benefits, salaries and work conditions. So the mexican workers one day go on a strike but they never include womens demands in their agenda. Strike goes on for months and then comes the court order that miners cannot strike in front of the mine. So, women come up with an idea that they will stand in front of mine instead of men as they are not mine workers. In this context, the questions of women subjugation and need for their rights crops up in every sphere. Women vote for the first time at trade union meeting, people from across support this effort and it goes on for a time. Women capture the movemnet and men do not like it but they realize in the end that together only they can ward off all the evils. Strike is won. It was an epic and i liked this one a lot. Though the heavy mexican accent was difficult to understand at times.
It was a night well spent and i wrote a lot, and i enjoyed watching these movies alone. Now i got to go sleep it is 6 in the morning and i am very sleepy. I have to get up early tomorrow. Big things coming up.
Bye!!
Hey!
Old songs in the background, a cup of coffee and writing your diary at 3 in the morning, ideal life. Sometimes little things in life give you peace. I am not a fan of music, but at times they are beyond serenity. Thougn i do not know what actually serenity is, it is a feeling, i guess. Nothing can match it.
I love this song by Leonard cohen, 'suzanne', it has been my favorite for a while now. Usually, i only play this song. Today is different, it is like i just found my love for music. Other than this life has come to a pause, not much is happening.
Same old people and same old life. I went to 'india coffee house' today, it is one of my favorite places in jnu. I can sit there alone for hours with a cup of coffee and a book. What i read there does not matter, even a newspaper would do. Even the hustle-bustle of people coming and going, sound of person washing the cups or the loud noise of exhaust fan becomes a part of the silence and peace that surrounds me there. There is never a rush to leave that place, never!! I feel the completeness of life sitting there in front of greenry and peacocks which show up one after one other in moments of silence.
There are some places in life which always give you that kind of love and serenity. I found mine here.
Like most days it was uneventful. I spent most of the day in my room, so not much to talk about. I cannot even thinkmof anything right now. So, i guess i will just say goodbye. !!
Hey!!
Do you think discipline is must? Of course, any army person would say yes without any hesitation. But what about us ? Do you agree that a fixed routine, getting up at same time, eating same food, same activities tend to get boring after a while.
I read ' vernoica decides to die' in my 12th standard. It had a small story about a housewife, who went into depression because she could not just cope with the regularity of her life. She had a good life, a rich husband, loving also, two perfect kids, a perfect house, no health issues but she went into depression because she did not know what to do with this everday perfect life. The book was full of small stories with mental patients suffering from some issues which majorly revolved around losing the will to live because they could not cope up with the 'normal' life, which we work for normally. What was wrong with these people? I still do not get it.
This book left a deep depression on me and post that I stopped reading any of Paulo Coelho's books. Since forever now i fear routines, i hate settled life, i just feel i am going to end up like one of his characters if i will get settled in a particular way. I do not know whether i will get out pf it or not but i know i want peace now, an ending. But then i fear, that perfect ending would just be the end of everything for me. Big dilemma!!
Bye!
Hey!
For the past two days, wifi has not been working properly so i was not able to post anything. Also, i did not have much to tell.
I had a very lazy day today but yesterday was interesting. I met three of old friends yesterday after a long time. It was fun. We went to PSR (this is a place in JNU, i really enjoy spending quality time there) and sat for like 3 hours and talked and talked. PSR is like a hilltop, which you get in the middle of a city like delhi. You can sit over large rocks and the fresh breeeze continues to flow through your hair, it is very serene. You can just sit there for hours and look at how small the world is.
It gives you a perspective to think about things when you look at them with open eyes and mind. One big problem with my generation and the ones next in line to me is that we are not very insightful. We look at things partially, accept them and then continue to believe them. We never bother looking at the other side. We are in such a hurry to get past the things that we fail to access and reflect upon our own decisions, judgements and situations. We pretend to be cool, not so judgemental like our parents or grandparents. We believe we know everything because we are modern but we fail to see that we do not know how to look at the whole picture. We live in the age of internet and social media, we have lost the power to question. We do not question, we just think we do. We raise issues for the sake of raising them up. Few days ago i saw people updating posts like 'we will miss you @deepak mishra' (former CJI) and there were n number of updates like that. But i am not sure if all of them know what he has added to your lives, which will make you miss him so much. This was the same chief judge you were criticising few days back when the issue of Master of Roster came out. We live in a blindfolded world, where when it is taken out, we see certain things, we accept them and then we are blindfolded again and the story goes on. We never get the whole story and we never bother to go after it. We are just okay with the peeks we get.
This is the reason, we so readily chose to ignore Indu Malhotra's verdict in the Sabarimala case because it was not a popular opinion . We might even chose to call her anti feminism, or use other words like that because she gave an unconventional view which was not popular, not revolutionary and not expected out of a woman. What we fail to see is the depth of her argument?
And this is because we have become habitual to half truths and baised perceptives.
Bye!!
Hey!!
'And what can i tell you? My brother, my killer!!
I can only say i miss you, i love you.' - while listening to this song, all i have been thinking about is the past, i miss now. There are some animosities, jealousies, angst against some one, whose name i do not even want to take. Not a lover, not a friend, not a he, not a she, it was some one more of a companion and less of a partner.
I wish i could talk more about it but those feelings can not find the right expression, not now, perhaps never in life. Some things cannot be understood, not in words atleast. Those days are cherished, remembered and wondered over day and night. The talks are revisited again and again. The reasons are debated and cross questioned. But It never comes to an end. The closure is near , we will meet someday somewhere, the air of silence will blow for a while and then it would just rain down in tears of joy, remorse and love. Everything would just settle down then.
Bye !
Hey!!
It would not be wrong to call this day wishful. I have wished for many things today, i don,'t want all of them to get fullfilled as some are really brutal (not for me, for others).
Temper is a bad omen. I always fear my temper, i know when it will raise its' head, i will not spare anyone. I will not care for anyone and anything at that point of time. I have worked a lot on it over the years. It was really bad in the start, i still remember my childhood, if under any condition i got angry, i would just quit eating, not even if mumma cried in front of me. Nobody could calm me down then.
But now things have changed i have learned to calm down myself. Though some times it is not easy but still I am way better now. Now i just go quiet and i avoid talking till the time i feel composed. One of my friends hurt himself really bad due to this issue. He got angry, one of these days and it was severe. He lost it so bad that he was in ICU for two days because of the stress, his heart beat slowed down so much that his heart could not pump blood properly. It was only agression which pushed him into this. If not treated on time, he would have either gone into coma or suffered some kind of paralysis. Thank God, he is fine but the enemy which needs to be treated is this anger and agression, which could have costed him his happiness for life.
I too need to tackle my anger because i do not have a very strong heart and it cannot take this much stress. So just avoid conflicts and agrression. It is easier to have straight forward confrontations. Happy festival season.
Currently, going through Rousseau’s discourse on Political Economy, and his work called the Social Contract. He is confusing me a lot. ...