Day 58- What life is like at JNU?

I wrote this note on 15th April 2018 at 4 in the morning. I was going through my notes on the phone and found it. I thought i would share how i felt about this place almost an year ago. And then some day i will share how i feel about it now. This is my last semester here, let’s see where life will take me from here. 

I came here with a sense of fear. There was excitement and ofcourse there was nervousness. You always feel that way when you feel you are going to a new place or when you know people are going to be better then you. 

Living at jnu is like living in a boot camp. Though i am not sure what life would be like at a boot camp, i am just using my imagination. There are patches pf jungle all around, too much scenic beauty. Mornings are beautiful here. Most of the cafes or rather dhabas inside the campus would offer you only rocks to sit on. My feet are always sore from all the walking i do all the day. Plus the mosquito bites and bed bugs bites too ocassionally. 

There is too much to worry about but then it offers a sense of serenity too. I don’t feel discontent here. There is too much to do. Too much to look forward to. And bonus is you never feel out of place. Because jnu will always welcome you with open arms and in days you will feel like you always lived here and probably if it was in your hands you would never want to leave. 

Whenever i step out of gate to go out. And let me tell you that it is very rare. It feels like the delhu outside or even the world itself is rather different.Though i haven’t seen much of the world yet. I feel awkard in the crowds of the city. The aroma, the people, the scenery is so different and sad, that i start hating the city altogeher. 

Jnu offers you liberty like you have been never offered before. Chance to look at life free from any fears. Being a girl i know how difficult it is to walk alone at roads in the night. But not in jnu. Even walking through the patches of jungle, you would feel more safe then you would feel in your hometown. And this is where the beauty of life at jnu lies. The place offers you space to explore. To be at ease with yourself and the people around you. There is freedom, freedom to roam around in the middle of the night, freedom to do things, freedom to drink/eat/smoke, freedom to think, freedom to express, freedom to feel free. I would not say i would always want to live in jnu as there are so many places to see but i would want world to be like this only. 

Day 57- One of those blank days

Usually something or the other is on my mind unlike today. Since morning i have been thinking what should i write about today. Still clueless!!
 It is one of those blank days when i my mind is not full of many thoughts. Why do people think and worry so much? Where do all these thoughts come from? And why do we keep wondering what others must be doing at this point of time!? I cannot peep into their lives and they cannot into mine. Then why does it worry us so much?
Life is full of so many whys. And yet no answers.

Day 56- Hassles of waking up early in the morning

For me early morning means, getting up at 9. Even if i try really hard i can only wake by 9.15. Hats off  to those who manage it. Sometimes though rarely when i do get up early, i feel dead, sleepy and i get headache.

I was writing this in the morning while i was in class and then i could not complete it because i was stunned. It was my first class and i got an assignment the very first day. I am shit scared of this teacher and she is actually scary. I don’t know what i am going to do and i have to submit by monday and present it o tuesday. Sunday my sister with her family is going to visit and i will be occupied with her both days. So i am more worried. Still knowing my lazy self, i know i would not complete it before sunday and it will be last minute only. It is always like that no matter how early i start. And then i did say something about plato in class to one of her questions when actually she was refering to  Aristotle. I do these things.

Day was full of such things.
 Bye for now.

Day- 55 The Show Business revolves around more show and less merit

I was just going through the Oscar nominations list for this year. And i found ‘A star is Born’ getting nominated in the best picture category, bradley cooper for best actor and Rihanna for best actress. And i was wowed by the list. I found the movie horrible but the reason could be that i don’t enjoy musicals. But Rihanna and Bradley Cooper, no way!!

I think they always nominate the stars who would create propaganda around the show. Seriously i have never seen any good movie or actor actually getting the award for some good work they have done. I have always found jennifer lawrence as a very normal actor and she got an oscar. For what reasons, God only knows! She is the most over rated actor for showing a plain face all the time. She has the same expression in hunger games that she has in the Silver Lining Playbook. But then i think it happens with many actors. Like her Radhika Apte is over rated. I think people just pretend to like her because she is supposed to be liked. Be it lust stories or ghoul or sacred games or any of her recent movies, she gives only half brow raised expression. When i saw her in sacred games i found nothing new in her characters, only her clothes and look changed a bit, rest all was same.

Like one of my friends said recently said that oscars are only given to biopics, docu-dramas and musicals. Leonardo di caprio got oscar for revenant where as his earlier movies were far better. I think these awards need to be abolished as rather than excitement, they draw more hypocrisy these days.

Day 54- i wish watching movies was a profession

I am watching Bombay Talkies right now. I think it is a great movie. I just wonder why watching movies is not a profession. I mean I can do this the whole time. I never get bored of it. And with netflix and all these other video patflorms, the interfaces are so good that it is too comfortable.

Some people would say you can always have a profession where you will get to watch movies or something like that but i don’t want anything like this. I don’t want to make movies or act in them or write them, i just want to be a good audience. Problem is i cannot do it all the time. But then the irony of life is you cannot do always everything you like. Well i don’t mind writing about them. So i was thinking of doing movie reviews. I mean writing movie reviews. But i am not a fan of current movies, so i would like to go in for old movies. Old, but not very old. Let’s see how it rolls out.

Bye for now.

Day -53 World is full of inequalities

So i was revising Marx for some exam today and everytime i read his views there is something new in it. I am not a scholar or anything but i really do agree with most of the things. I do not believe that his communism will ever work because i do not think he has been able to fully grasp the human nature. And, this turns the basic premises of his theory down. But he is great with criticism and i do believe strongly that some part of his theory is going to be true. Not the way he predicted it though.

Inequalities are on the rise and may be the rise of a huge middle class saved this world once but the way things are going, it is not going to last forever. With increasing consciousness about disparities and the accumulation of wealth within the hands of few, the people are going to unite soon to end all this up. May be this will not lead to any change of power but it will definitely bring something new to the table. I do not know about the whole world but I am hell fed up with the biasedness around me. I do think things need to he changed and it is not going to take long for that to happen. Now i do know why Marx is treated like a God by some. You can agree or disagree with him but you cannot ignore him. 

Day -52 Too many stories with almost similar endings

It was a beautiful day but the night is dark. As in nights are supposed to be dark only and there is nothing wrong with it. It is just that I am trying to sleep, so i feel this darkness is kind of getting heavy on my eyes but mind is still occupied. 

It has been 5 years. And still everything about this day reminds me of that one from 5 years back. I was very confused back then, i still am. But that day something told me that even if it goes wrong, i will give it a chance. 

I have regretted that thing. Yes, many times but i have also loved it for very different reasons. Yes, that day, I got him. May be he is my forever or may be he is not. I just want to leave it to the future. Beacause, i know i believe my story is special but it is like all those happening out there. And whatever will happen, it won’t be anything different. This way or that way, it is going to end like many others.

Bye.

 Last thing, i know many would not agree with me but i really do believe that ‘The Great Gatsby’ is a better love story then ‘The Titanic’. 

Day- 51 Late night bad thoughts

hmmm, well i was about to sleep and then these bad and negative thoughts started coming in. It happens often, just when I am about to close my eyes, i start imagining bad things. I cannot sleep with thoughts like these on my mind. I donot want bad dreams as well. I just hate it. To distract myself i thought i will write a post.
Well last two days were kind of chill. I was alone most of the time, watching netflix and and.. i read an article today in express about EWS quota. I really got pissed with the columnist trying to justify this quota. So i wrote an email to the editor. It really pisses me off that you are giving more and more quotas and no one ever thinks of a quota like this for women. They are the ones who need it desperately. Alas! the problem is we always think of ours sons first and about the daughters at last. I am really pissed that none of the columnists ever speak about it. This issue has never been even politicised properly.

Other then this, things are just fine. 

Day -50 What do we really desire in Life?

Last night I was about to sleep and in those last ten minutes a thought came, which I have not been able to ignore. The thing is I was thinking of going for PhD and I was very excited about it. And then this thought came when i was not even thinking about all this. It was somehting like, okay, I take admission, I start doing it, and then what? Another 5 years of pleasing someone, trying to meet some deadlines and submissions. What then? Even if I had a job or I start working, it will also involve the same things. Going for the job at fixed timings, flattering your seniors (not flatter them, but cannot be rude to them even if we do not like them). What will all this give?
And then, today morning I attened my first class of this semester. The topic revolved around Aristotle's understanding of happiness. He had divided goods (things which we want to achieve in life into three categories: sub-servient goods, subordinate goods and ultimate goods). So i did kind of gathered that money being the sub-servient good has to be achieved first and then you can go onto other ones. There exists a heirarchy in these goods and I will have to go through the first two first, to reach the ultimate one. I do not know if he is correct or not but it did answer my worries for the meanwhile. So I am kind of glad that I attended this lecture.