Tuesday 18 December 2018

Day- 49 I just wonder sometimes, Am I actually rude or rather in others words ‘Badtmeez’?

This is not the first time that I have been told by someone that ‘I am extremely rude.’ I have an easy temper and i lose it all the time but only with peole I am close to. Today it is different, someone said ‘main badtmeez hun.’am
Am i actually? After so many years and after being told by so many people, i think I should accept it. And, rather work over it. Problem is i use to think I am calm. Well, it is so not true. 

Sunday 16 December 2018

Day- 48 celebrity crushes

Everyone has celebrity crushes. It can be an actor, actress, director, writer, singer, journalist or politician. Options are just unlimited and in this age of social media, you have access to unlimited stars and it is easy to just fall in love with them everyday. I cannot count on fingers how many celebrity crushes I have. There is no number for them. But yes there has been this one constant since my childhood, it is Salman Khan.
I know, i know, whenever i tell people this, they give shocked wale expressions. But i have no control over my attraction for Salman. He is old now, around 48, not a very good actor and there are other things as well but I still love him. I stopped watching his movies long back because i knew i would dislike him and i never want to see him negatively. He is gorgeous and most handsome man for me. He is humorous too, and i like such people. I think it has nothing to do with his acting skills or looks. I just liked him the most as a child, ofcourse after watching his movies, he was good because back then. But now it is so because i have always liked him. There is this other actor, Will Smith, he is also my love. Both salman and Will Smith are my favourites. Anyways i spent so much time writing about Slaman, because i just finished watching big boss and i just feel more love for him, when i watch him on screen. And as Will Smith has always been my phone’s wallpaper, so he is always kind of infront of  me, and I could not have finished my ‘celebrity crush’ post without mentioning him. 

Friday 14 December 2018

Day 47 - hard decisions

There are some days when you just lie down and think. Think about everything, think about others, think about things you do or you don’t do, think about your past, think about the present and the future to come.
Why do you do all this thinking? To change life, to retrospect, to delete things, to add things. No not for any of this. You think and you think hard when some decisions are to be made. I have been doing the same today. Unfortunately, i can never plan my decisions, they always have to be spontaneous, stupid and last minute. I have never made a single, conscious, well thought of decision in my life. But  i want to change that today. I have decided that i am going to live like this only for another 6 months. And after that if i am not happy about it, i will change everything about it, A to Z.

Yes, what that change is going to be? I don’t know yet, let the time come first. Anyways talking about unplanned decisions, i have to tell you this becaue i forgot to mention this when it actually happened. I had this exam atleast a month back, for which i had to go to mathura, the same day from Delhi. I had a 6 clock train and as usual i did not sleep whole night because i knew in winters i cannot get up at 4.30 am. So i watched random movies all night and did not sleep because i was so sure that i can manage staying up the next day. By 5 i started to feel sleepy but by then i had to rush, because my cab was already at the door. So i thought to myslef that no problem i can manag e. I reached within ten minutes at the station and in that 10 minute ride, all i wanted to do was to sleep. When i reached the station and i was waiting for my train, i had an hour to kill. The weather was really cold and sleep was all over my mind. I called up two of my friends asking them should i go if i am this sleepy. They said you should definitely go. But by then i had made my mind. I just cancelled my ticket. Now i had no choice, i took a cab and went back to my bed, off to sleep. Now one thing which i don’t understand is why i wasted cab money and ticket money, if i had to end up sleeping only. I don’t know if i gain anything with all this or not but yes this hellish undecisiveness  always cost me a lot.

Hope to see you tomorrow.

Thursday 13 December 2018

Day -46 coming back

So i guess i can never be regular with anything. But trust me i had problems, papa was not keeping well, semester exams and everything. You know things can not always be good and you cannot always stick to the schedule. Though i would give anything in this world to keep my mind stuck to something.

Shit happens because we think shit. What should i do? May be just stop thinking and atleast for a while i would be away from negativity. But then i am not overtly negative today. Today it is more like  a neutral day. I met two of my friends today after a long long time. And one of them kind of reminded  me that i have a blog which has to be updated. He mentioned something about my last post and that was like the big reminder i needed about you. So here I am. But what do i say? The same old problem. Yea tomorrow i will, now i better sleep. I feel like i am high on something but I am not. Trust me. 

Forced to be free

Currently, going through Rousseau’s discourse on Political Economy, and his work called the Social Contract. He is confusing me a lot. ...