Fucked up Life in a fucked up world

It is a happy picture.
My watsapp, facebook dp.
But is it me everyday? No, i guess not.
Then why do i put up a happy face for everyone around?

It is a sweet smile.
I flash it to everyone i see everyday.
I have it on my face every day.
But is it me everyday? No, i guess not.
Then why do i not frown when i see people i don’t like?

It is a formal ‘i am good’.
My mother calls me up everyday and asks this question.
I reply with a good everyday.
Then why do i say it even on days i am not good?

It is an excited hi and a follow up conversation.
I have few of these everyday.
I do not like or feel like doing them everyday.
Be it with family, boyfriend or friends.
Still i do.
Then why do i do it when all i want to tell everyone is to shut the fuck up for a while, for a day.

It is a formal empathy.
I see someone sad and i try to console them.
I tell them i feel bad for them.
I do not agree with them at all or i am not pained with their pain.
Then why do i not smile over their face and just leave them where they are?

It is a fucked up life, fucked up world.
Too many faces, too many characters, too many smiles too flash.
Not one means truly anything.
Still i have to do it everyday and around everyone.
Because i live a fucked up life in a fucked up world.
And, I cannot just escape all this.

Pseudo Social Justice

https://indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/pseudo-social-justice-reservation-quota-demand-ews-minorities-5580908/

Day 64- Beauty of travelling lies in the journey, not in the destination

I was growing through someone’s post which said the beauty of travelling lies in the journey. And it took me back to all those times when i have avoided travelling because i hated sitting on a seat for hours and hours. 

I would keep checking my phone and distance on google maps. I never tried to look through the windows at the world which is not always at its best  but this where it’s very beauty lies. 

It was not always like this. I still remember some of my bus and train journeys when i started travelling alone. I would revel in those lone journeys where i met some strangers and had wonderful conversations with them. In those few travels i learned a lot about things and peole. And then i started my job as a reporter, it took away all the fun away. I was made to roam around delhi the whole day with one week day off. I had seen Delhi, it’s routes, places, buildings. I went on the streets i would have never got a chance to see otherwise. But the problem was i was rushing through them to reach somewhere, there were time constraints and i never got to really see those places and roads. Because i was too busy thinking about the puropse i was going for i.e the destination. I never learned the true meaning of those lonely journeys. I was suppose to notice how wide the roads were, how green the trees were, kinds of people came across on those routes, learn their stories from their face. But i missed put on all this. I have never been able to travel with such enjoyment since then. All i am busy thinking is; what kind of person is sitting besides me or how much time is it going to take or how comfortable the seat is. I have lost my patience for long routes. It is sad sometimes. 

This makes me think that things you enjoy  should be treated as hobbies only and you should never make them your profession. Otherwise you will lose the adventure in them. 

Day 62: The idea of beauty, needs to be changed.

I was suppose to post it yesterday. Late post. 

I went to see a school friend today. She is getting married in two days. And she being my school best friend. I had to attend her wedding. I went to her place as i was seeing her after almost 5 long years. 

It was her engagement day and she asked me to go with her to the parlour where she was to get ready. I went along as i wanted to spend more time with her. 

It turned out to be a waste of time. While she was getting her make up done, i was asked to wait at the reception. I did not mind because the place was bustling with people. It was full of ladies getting their make up pr hair done. And many of them were brides. 

And many of them came out after their make over was done. Trust me, i have seen someone from close for the first time with so much make up on. I was horrified, it did not look pretty. If makeup on you makes you a cake doll. I will never get such make up done ever. No offence but it might look good on pictures but up close it looks like as if you are looking at a china doll with colored lips and cheeks and eyes on a white crystal clear base. Ridiculous. If this is thr idea of beauty today, trust me i don’t want to see it anymore. Also where is the fun in looking like a china doll. 

Day 63- Yuval Noah Harari’s way of looking at life.

I finished Harari’s ‘21Lessons for the 21st century’ today.
I was looking forward to read this and this is the reason i searched online for websites where i could download ebooks online. Coincidentally, my sister gifted me the hard copy around same time. It is a keeper.

He is an amazing writer. He kept me glued to the book. I have tried reading his sapiens as well. In 21 Lessons, he posits the growing Research in artificial intelligence, global warming and biotech as few of those problems which cannot be resolved within our closed borders. He argues that these are global problems which can only be resolved globally and not by hiding behind our nationalist garbs.
He has talked about religion, humanity, mind, god, reason, nationalism, culture and information etc, that are somehow shaping this world. But he says the kind of threats we imagine would come on us are not really the threats. They are far beyond our conception. Becuase we are wound up in the rhetoric build up by movies and fiction about future of AI and biotech. Accoridng to Harari real threat is somewhere else.

I liked it a lot. But i did find some issues, for example the way he criticises liberals conception of mind and reason. He tries to sound rational and then makes everything spiritual by going on to buddhism to tell you how to tame our mind. Because all our desires are not the desires of our mind which need to be controlled. This sounds very metaphysical and beyond one’s understanding.
Anyways i am looking forward to reading his other books.

Day 61 - Exploring things

It was a fun day. Which day? That day. Full of possibilities and full of life. Reading a new book. 

Best sites to download free ebooks online

Why is it important to write about this?

 I have been looking for places to download books and it caused me a lot of stress. I thought i should definitely share something on this. So here is a list of some of the places where i have been actually able to download books without going through any unnecessary hassles of creating an account and paying money. Hope they will work for others as well.

1. Library Genesis:

I foundYuval Noah Harari's latest books here. You might try it as well. Only problem isis they are torrent files.

2.EBOOK-DL:

This one I loved the most. It is very easy to use. One click and you can download the zip file. Mnay genres are available and magazines are available as well.

3. Project Gutenberg:

It is already very famous and very easy to use.

4. BookBoon:

It has books for all the academic subjects. So students will really find this useful to download new books.

5. Open Library: 

You should definitely explore this one.

These are the sites, which i have tried and they worked for me. I will add any new ones i might find in the future. To go to these sites just click on the name or just google them. Happy reading to all. 

Stories beyond me too by Tavleen Singh ( a big hypocrite)

I had to share this because i feel anguished by this article. I disgaree with her and i think she completely disrespected something good which has come out of this #metoo movement. Is she has her loyalities set around a particular party she should express them openly and not by dissing people and their efforts, who are actually doing something worthwhile. I don’t know if you had to face all this or not during your early days but if you went through this, you would not have given such a response.
Stories beyond MeToo

https://www.google.com/amp/s/indianexpress.com/article/opinion/columns/me-too-movement-india-sexual-harassment-narendra-modi-government-women-journalists-5517647/lite/

Day 60 - How not to be socially awkward?

I need advice here because i am one of those who behave in an awkward way around most of the people. It is so difficult to gel in with people. The books do not help and life without this is almost impossible these days. If i do not change this, i guess i will never see things the way i want them to be. To be or not to be. There is a big question here? 

Day 59 - How do you see things?

Is it easy to think out of box? I always think how do these storytellers imagine and see things which i cannot? What is imagination? How J.K Rowlings thought of Harry Potter and that too with so much of details that she wrote books on it? Not one but 7. It has been years since i have been reading fiction and i have tried my hand on writing as well. But i always feel it is borrowed from somewhere and something. It never feels like my own. How do i own it? 

 I remember once one of my teachers told me that whenever you write something new. Write ‘my baby’ on top of it. And you will always feel close to it. You will feel like it is your own. I tried it once then but it did not work. I guess everyone has their own way of doing it. I will find it someday. Every day is new and tells you something new. What did i learn today? Always trust your own gut and you will never be sorry. Hope i practice it as well.