Wednesday, 17 April 2019

Day - i don’t remember

I have lost this note but i had the images of it. The sadness engulfs you at times and spurs you to do sad things.


Monday, 8 April 2019

Day 69 - Endless circles of life

It started off with a cloudy night 
The day went on like how rainy days should be
Full of water, aroma of earth going up to your noise 
Leaves talking to you with a shy smile
Like they are too happy to meet the rain
Serene and green and wet is everything around
It ends with some lightning and some thunder 
Telling stories of stormy decades that have passed 
Making way for the sly winter, smiling at you
Comes with a pleasant wind and less of sun
You feel cold but in a good way
Looking forward to those wintry nights with blankets wrapped around and heaters or fire running on and on 
The food gets tasty, eating feels like a bliss
More you eat more warm one feels
It ends up making you 5-6 kg heavier 

And suddenly one day around holi the winter just leaves your door 
With mild summer knocking at your door
You feel relaxed it is harmonious change after that gross cold which by then you get sick off
Summer turns you out 
You feel more lively in the green grounds, under trees
It completes you in more ways then you know
Suddenly you lose all that appetite you had gained over the last months
As summer gets sharper, the kilos seem to shed off easier
The heated sun is difficult to breathe in
Hot tea looks poisonous, only relief comes in with drops of chilled water 
Heat gets too much
Leaves wilt, dogs look at you with puppy eyes so that you would take them in and save them from unforgiving sun
It passes soon too though it feels like ages 
The rain blesses us with beautiful greenry and love all around again

Such is life. Nothing is lost, nothing is earned. 
Everything has a time to come and another to leave.
There is no permanence but even that is a king of permanence 
You will always look for other things, something interesting
But that too is a circle.
You start because you know you will end
When will it be? That is on you and the fate
But trust me this will go on and on like a cd being played without pauses, problems and rewind.

Friday, 29 March 2019

Day 68 another day

Sometimes you have a bad day 
Sometimes you just wish everyone you love would just say yes to what ever you say

Sometimes you do not want anyone to agree or disagree with you but to just say yes to you.

Sometimes all you want is support
Sometimes all you want is somebody to understand 
Sometimes all you want them is to stand with you
Sometimes all you want is somebody or someone to hold your hand and say i am with you
It does not have to be a partner or your boyfriend or your husband 
It has to be someone, just someone you love 

Sometimes all you want is a simple expression of trust 
Sometimes all you care about is one hand holding you 
Sometimes all you need is one hug

Sometimes all you need is this small thing 
And you end up getting none
Because everyone will stand opposed 
Everyone will ask questions
Everyone will judge your attentions, your worth
Everyone will care about your future 
Everyone will care about what others will say
Everyone will say whatever they want to say
Everyone will find their own meanings in your words
Everyone will leave you wondering ‘why the hell do you expect something from someone?’ 

Why? Why? Do you want something from someone!? Why do you need it so much? 

Thursday, 28 March 2019

Election days are on the way

This might not be relevant exactly but then politics is always relevant. But this one i wrote long back and it is not entirely new. 

Here comes another election. Tv mews channels and newspapers are going gaga over them as if something world shattering has happened. It is the same old bjp and congress nuisance, fighting the same blame game. The real thing you guys are missing out on is that the younger generation is getting big lessons on ethics from these reinvented parties, the secular BJP and the Hindu Congress.

Leave ethics aside, one thing I read every day is about the so called election reforms, which make no sense to me. Because i guess i thought of them as something else and what is being done is completely different. 

Present government said  bonds based funding would bring transparency into the parties. And I can see now how political parties have been sincerely supporting the cause. As it was very much visible in the recent elections that the parties did not have crores to spend on ads, luring voters, giving on freebies like the old times. And I was equally shocked by how rallies these times were epitome of simplicity, none of the ministers travelled in private vehicles. They were saving up on our exhausting oil resources by pooling up cars and helicopters and some even went with the public transport. 

I hope this would help us meet the international climate change targets. 
The greatness of our party leaders, the humility with which they deal with media and public grievances makes me more than happy. 
I am happy about these results because now we will see how bjp, congress and jd(s) would cook up  on alliance so that our dear karnatka gets a stable government as soon as possible. It doesn’t matter which party comes to power with whose help, the fact that matters is that they teach us to not to be enemies for long, there is always a good time to patch up and especially if it involves some monetary benefits. 

Very soon one or the other alliance would come to power and push for minestrial cabins and plush government bunglows will start. It does not matter which portfolio one gets, it is working for the welfare of people which matters the most. And if they don’t get a bunglow, they won’t be crying for the perks that come with it but for the lost chance to serve the humanity. Because they can work sincerely only within these bunglows, outside of these people who do not want the nation to grow would bother them. Plus these bunglows are just old and big government houses which they would have never preffered to live in if not for the good of the people. 

I feel so much of gratitude for our dear leaders and I am teary eyed after my realization that how they only want to help this country.  I am now able to relate to their understanding of the election reforms and the way they spend millions on elections so that the naive people like us could make a wise decision on the big day. Thank you bjp,congress and every other party for lessons in humanity service. Hope our generation learns more from you. 

Monday, 11 March 2019

Day-67 An anti-national dream

Dreams can be really weird at times.

So yesterday salman khan came into my dream. I don’t know what is happening these days, weird things. And he said something which i would never expect him to say. But after all it was a dream only. 
It was like this that we met through a friend who knew him or was related to him( which in reality is not possible, none of my friends no him). He is busy hosting a show and suddenly there is need of someone who could speak fluent hindi. So we are with him at that point of time and he asks us to read a part. I being confident that my hindi is not that bad, start reading from the paper. On the very 5th word i get stuck and then it turns out be too hard for me to read further. I tell him i cannot, embarrassed about i though. And, he tells me Machiavelli has said that one who does not knows their national language cannot ever be a true nation loving person. And i ask him where did he say that? And he says in his book The prince. I don’t know whether Machiavelli ever said anything like that or not. It is ‘Adbhut’.

I was stunned. Did he actually say that to me? Wow and there and then it ended because i woke up after that. I don’t know what it was. Still shocked. 

Thursday, 7 March 2019

Some thoughts on marriage

I was going through my notes. Found this! I thought i have not posted anything like this so now is the time. I don’t know when i will see it again. I am not sure why i was so frustrated that day because what ever i have written sounds very aggressive.

Marriages are supposedly made in heaven. While sitting in the garden of this lavish marriage palace waiting for the feras to get over and contemplating what made this guy choose this girl, all I could conclude is bullshit. No body can guess a person in one or two meetings. It is like looking for a roommate through your parents. You can change your roommate but can you do the same with your groom or bride.
Then why the procedure of looking for a partner is similar to the one’s we use while looking for a roommate or a flatmate. Give an ad in the paper, ask your friends and relatives. Finally somebody comes to your door, you meet the person, confirm his details and make your decision. Now you start living together what if that person is not able to live up to your standards, you part ways after the minimum contract is over and start looking for another one.
The same way people chose their prospective clients life partners. You give an ad, join matrimonial site, ask your friends or relatives, and offers start pouring in. You meet some, meet their family, make an enquiry and make your final decision. This is how marriages happen. But once you start staying with each other, you start to know each other. What happens later is either you adjust or you donot, either you are happy or you compromise or you chose to leave. But is it easy to leave, the legal hassles, the emotional hassles and moreover the problem of societal face value.
I am not trying to say that one should not divorce fearing the society and all the problems states above as divorces do happen in love marriages also. 
But the concept of arranged one is very rudimentary and should be give up as soon as possible. Let’s give our young ones, cocooning fresh out of their shells, a chance to make this adult decision. Of course, post marriage also they are going to make big decisions. Parents should let their cubs fly and chose their partners wisely so that they will not regret it later in life.

Day 66 - i love sunny days

This year winters are long. Last year by this time winters had already descended. I remember last year on holi which was on 2nd of March i was sweating the whole day because of the heat. It is already 7th of march and there is no sign of summers. Nights are so cold that it is hard to go out without a jacket.
I love sitting under the sun and for few days now i have been missing it, either i use to get up late or because of the rains there was usually no sun. 

Well finally today i enjoyed sitting under the sun. I got to see it after days. The wind was blowing as well so it was little chilly but pleasant. No matter how uneasy or uncomfortable i get in summers. No matter how much i sweat in summers and no matter how cold and cosy the winter blankets are. I will always be a summer person because i just hate cold days when there is no sun and usually you are forced to sit inside under your blankets. I am a big fan of long walks and i hate going on walks in winters because i cannot stand the cold. I feel winters make you lazy whereas summers make you active and crazy. Well holi is on 22 or 23rd i guess this year, so let’s see how summery is it going to be. My mom says this year winters are going to last longer may be till May. I don’t mind that much if sun will come up every day on time. 

Wednesday, 6 March 2019

Day 65- Kafka’s The Trial

How do i start again? When i had already written it once but got deleted as my phone hanged for a while.

Well, i will tell you the whole story again. Two days back by chance i went to this book sale and bought few new books. One of them was Kafka’a The Trial, the book has his other stories as well so it was a bargain for me. So yesterday the whole day was spent reading him and some of it today as well.

I have been his fan for a long time, ever since by chance coincidence i read his ‘The Metamorphosis’. It was much later that i got to know that he inspired many latin american writers like Gabriel Garcia Marquez and others towards a new form of literature (or whatever it is called) called ‘Magical Realism’. Marquez’s famous book ‘100 years of solitude’ was based on Magical Realism only. The idea for which he got from Metamorphosis. 

Coming to the trial. I gifted this book to someone sometime back but never got a chance to read it myself. So yesterday was the day. It started off very simple, like one morning Mr Joseph K. wakes up and he finds that his landlady has still not brought his breakfast which is unusual. The day starts of simple but it turns out to be his worst nightmares. It turns out that he is under arrest for some trial but he cannot be given the details of the trial. The story starts of from nothing and ends on nothing. The whole time i was waiting to see what the trial was all about and it is never revealed, not even at the end. At that point only i realized that it is a satire on the law, courts  and justice system. Mr. K. is wronged in this case, he is never told what the charges are and still he is going around lawyers, courts and judges to make some sense out of everything. The court is disguised like a secret police which is everywhere but no one knows what it is doing but once you get stuck in it, you will not come out unscathed. K. like many others is lost in this mess like people are lost in today’s justice system. People are made to run around for things around lawyers, courts and police, when most of it is mostly incomprehensible to them.

It was a great book. It said so much without saying much. It is a literary masterpiece. I have always been awed by his writing style which is so mysterious yet so simple. I always loved his other works as well but not his short stories. This might be because it is not easy to comprehend so much from such short stories or i am not capable of understanding them.

Anyways it was a day spent well, day spent reading Kafka.

Monday, 18 February 2019

Fucked up Life in a fucked up world

It is a happy picture.
My watsapp, facebook dp.
But is it me everyday? No, i guess not.
Then why do i put up a happy face for everyone around?

It is a sweet smile.
I flash it to everyone i see everyday.
I have it on my face every day.
But is it me everyday? No, i guess not.
Then why do i not frown when i see people i don’t like?

It is a formal ‘i am good’.
My mother calls me up everyday and asks this question.
I reply with a good everyday.
Then why do i say it even on days i am not good?

It is an excited hi and a follow up conversation.
I have few of these everyday.
I do not like or feel like doing them everyday.
Be it with family, boyfriend or friends.
Still i do.
Then why do i do it when all i want to tell everyone is to shut the fuck up for a while, for a day.

It is a formal empathy.
I see someone sad and i try to console them.
I tell them i feel bad for them.
I do not agree with them at all or i am not pained with their pain.
Then why do i not smile over their face and just leave them where they are?

It is a fucked up life, fucked up world.
Too many faces, too many characters, too many smiles too flash.
Not one means truly anything.
Still i have to do it everyday and around everyone.
Because i live a fucked up life in a fucked up world.
And, I cannot just escape all this.

Monday, 11 February 2019

Day 64- Beauty of travelling lies in the journey, not in the destination

I was growing through someone’s post which said the beauty of travelling lies in the journey. And it took me back to all those times when i have avoided travelling because i hated sitting on a seat for hours and hours. 
I would keep checking my phone and distance on google maps. I never tried to look through the windows at the world which is not always at its best  but this where it’s very beauty lies. 
It was not always like this. I still remember some of my bus and train journeys when i started travelling alone. I would revel in those lone journeys where i met some strangers and had wonderful conversations with them. In those few travels i learned a lot about things and peole. And then i started my job as a reporter, it took away all the fun away. I was made to roam around delhi the whole day with one week day off. I had seen Delhi, it’s routes, places, buildings. I went on the streets i would have never got a chance to see otherwise. But the problem was i was rushing through them to reach somewhere, there were time constraints and i never got to really see those places and roads. Because i was too busy thinking about the puropse i was going for i.e the destination. I never learned the true meaning of those lonely journeys. I was suppose to notice how wide the roads were, how green the trees were, kinds of people came across on those routes, learn their stories from their face. But i missed put on all this. I have never been able to travel with such enjoyment since then. All i am busy thinking is; what kind of person is sitting besides me or how much time is it going to take or how comfortable the seat is. I have lost my patience for long routes. It is sad sometimes. 

This makes me think that things you enjoy  should be treated as hobbies only and you should never make them your profession. Otherwise you will lose the adventure in them. 

Day - i don’t remember

I have lost this note but i had the images of it. The sadness engulfs you at times and spurs you to do sad things. I